The common response to a prenup is that it is unromantic and possibly unchristian. Fortunately, most couples will not have to worry about working through those issues because they do not have many assets and so do not need a prenup.
A prenup is advisable:
- For a second marriage to preserve assets for the children of a first marriage.
- Where there is a family farm, business or other asset which is, in a sense, not yours to give to a spouse.
- Where you have a lot more assets than your fiancé.
In the first two situations you are protecting the legitimate interests of a third party: it is almost the duty of the couple to have a prenup. I agree that the third situation is morally trickier but I will have a go at justifying it.
Q. Isn’t it unromantic? How do I raise this with my spouse?
You should be able to discuss all your fears and concerns with your fiancé. You should discuss health tests, relationships with in-laws, when to have a child, who should stay home to look after children, where to live, desires for full-time ministry, expectations about housework, holidays, spending, timeout, entertainment, old flames – these should all be discussed, and settled, before marriage, and so should ‘what will happen in the event of divorce’.
Q. Isn’t that undermining the marriage from the beginning, because you are anticipating a divorce, or at least allowing for its possibility?
It is not undermining the marriage at all. When you walk up the isle you know very well that divorce is a possibility. Your spouse might turn out to be a bigamist or a molester or something else gross. They may desert you for someone else. It honours marriage to have a remedy for those and other abuses and so to talk about what should happen in such cases is to honour the seriousness and sacrifice that you are both about to make by entering the covenant of marriage.
Q. Is such an agreement the opposite of Christian marriage ideals – trust and sharing, being united as one?
Becoming ‘one flesh’ and being ‘heirs together of the grace of life’ must be balanced with other biblical requirements. Our first love and complete trust should only be in God. Under Him we then have loyalties and situations of trust to a spouse, children, prior children, parents (especially widows), the poor, brothers and sisters, the state, an employer and so on. Loyalty to a spouse is not absolute, it is a high priority – indeed one that lends itself to great sacrifices – but it must be weighed with other’s needs and conscience: by way of example, it is not appropriate to conceal for love’s sake a spouse’s abuse of children or elderly parents, or to conceal theft from work. Nor should a spouse be indulged while an elderly widow starves.
All sorts of sinful situations lead to divorce and I can see no biblical injunction which prevents you from sensibly protecting certain financial interests in the event of divorce.
One should realise that every marriage in Australia is already subject to a kind of prenup because all marriages are subject to the Family Law Act which imposes a solution of division of assets through enforceable decisions of family court judges. In customary Jewish law there is the concept of the ketubah: a formal contract in a Jewish religious marriage that includes specific financial protection for the wife in the event that the husband dies or divorces her.
If your need for protection is really an idolising of money then a prenup is not a good idea. If your desire for a prenup is borne of selfishness and a desire to look after number one, or if a prenup causes you to not really commit, then don’t have one..
Q. How would a Christian agreement compare to other prenups?
There would not be lot of differences, but here are some:
The agreement should re-state the commitment for life and recognise that the division of assets is to occur only in unwanted and sinful circumstances.
The agreement would encourage financial openness and a joint savings account as a practical reflection of unity and a witness. It would encourage assets to be purchased jointly so that there is no selfish build up of assets by one person.
A couple should make good use of their Christian community to resolve complaints and differences in smaller issues long before they get to thinking about ending a marriage. hence there could be a clause referring issues to a pastor or friend.
Mediation: the decisions of the family courts are usually fair, however it is best if Christians can resolve such differences outside of court - primarily to reduce the opportunity for the world to be disgusted by Christians, and also to save cost and for the emotional good of couples and their children. So there should be an obligatory referral to Christian mediation.
The above features of a prenup do not make divorce an easier way out of a marriage.
Comments welcome.
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